Gangland (2001) Reviews

• Beyond hilarious

  mattydukes2005-06-30

  Far from being an action movie, this film had me on the floor laughing! Even a Soap Opera director would have called the acting over the top. The dialog was simply ridiculous. Some of the scenes look like they were shot in the dark and then from a different angle like they were shot during the day. I think the director was on some serious meds when he made this one (prob. anti-depressants). Why do they keep returning to the same lake? Why do they shoot a 16-bullet handgun 30 times? And what is the reason for the steroid robot? They also used a small box the size of a deck of cards as an explosive and made the comment "this thing will make the Patriot Missle look like a firecracker", WTF? Again, they must have been seriously hittin the pillbox for a script of this content. If you want some good laughs be sure to check this one out.

• Easily one of the worst movies ever

  Golden_Brown2005-03-31

  Being a bit of a fan of Sasha Mitchell, I was overjoyed to pick this up for as little as £1. Shame it turned out to be £20 too much. The plot of the movie is basically a really watered down version of Jean Claude Van Damme's Cyborg, about a post-nuke world where three heroes, Mitchell, Costas Mandylor(of Fist of the North Star fame) and a woman I've never heard of called Kathleen Kinmont actually fight Fender from Cyborg, now called Lucifer, but played by the same actor in a worse costume. Lucifer's little brother is the dorkiest attempt at a villain ever, and the movie is quite frankly a nightmare, with the only things redeeming it for me being the fact that Sasha still works, and that future Terminatrix Kristanna Loken has a small role(far too small). The action is dull, the characters dumb, and the story rehashed from a hardly classic 80s Van Damme vehicle, the worst of it is, the movie has the cheek to not even do this in a funny way, it's just plain crap. Avoid this, and any other movies directed by Art Camacho.

• Gangland a wonderful place

  celticchops2006-03-31

  Wow, never has one movie blown me away than this one. Headlined by superstar action hero Sasha Mitchell "Gangland" will keep you at the edge of your seat and keep you guessing "who actually thought this could work and why is there only one reporter for the entire United States to bring you coverage?" The dialogue was amazing and the flashbacks chilling. This movie teaches valuable life lessons, such as when surrounding people who are not Ganglanders and you are armed with a gun, it is best to punch and kick the person or club the person with the gun, not shoot them if you want to kill them. Also, contrary to popular belief, checking a person for a pulse by putting your two fingers on their neck or wrist does not work. The effective way is to take somebody's shirt off and rub their breasts with you hands in a massage-like motion. Thank you Ice-T for showing us the error of our ways. If you love Sasha Mitchell, and who couldn't, then get ready for an ultimate slugfest where the only help to save the world is the man who coined the term "danaburger" into a national phenomenon. Excellent movie, especially for its porn-like dialogue that kept you entranced the entire way. This quote alone lets you know that only the best writers were working on this film: Jerad: It must've taken a lot of balls to kill a little girl. Damian: It'll take a lot less balls to kill you! Go out and see this movie now, and prepare for the plague of Ganglanding in 4 years.

• Oh god, my eyes!

  merde2005-09-04

  This movie is hilariously awful. Everyone who had anything to do with it should be ashamed of themselves. Ashamed! (Especially Ice-T, who doesn't just embarrass himself, but actually disgraces his entire bloodline.) You got your bad acting. You got your ridiculous costumes. You got your gratuitous (and I mean really, really gratuitous) boobs. You got your completely incoherent script. You got your totally random mutant Frankenstein's monster type thing. In one scene, our heroes load up on firepower; in the next, they have to fight bad guys hand to hand; two minutes later, they're armed and dangerous again. The plot hangs together about as tightly as a group of divas forced to share a dressing room. And my god, the exposition! You got your tragic heroes, of course. A guy whose wife and daughter were murdered by the bad guys and spends a lot of time brooding about it. Another guy whose brother is murdered before his eyes by the bad guys in one of the early scenes and spends about five minutes throwing a tantrum before apparently forgetting all about it in the heady rush of beating dudes up. And I especially like how these two stumble across the female lead just lying there under a tree. They roll her over, she wakes up, and what do you know, it turns out the bad guys killed her sister! Coincidence... or conspiracy? And of course, there's also a scientist whose family is being held prisoner by the bad guys. Because I guess they ran out of fake blood or something. You will laugh uncontrollably at -- well, pretty much everything, actually. "Lucifer," the big bad guy? Top-notch comedy. Seriously. You'll love his minion, too. This movie is so preposterous, even stupid ignorant people will find mistakes to laugh at. I won't ruin it for you, but just wait till you hear what Alexis says about the syringe of her sister's blood. I will, however, ask if anybody -- anybody -- can explain to me why there was whalesong playing in the Death Valley scene. Anyone? Bueller? I laughed so hard I got a headache. I think I would rather chew off my own arm than watch this movie again. I give it two thumbs up the ass. Highly, highly recommended.

• A Pathetic Movie

  TBelton12003-07-09

  Lets see, where do I begin. ah yes, this has got to be one of the worst movies I have ever had the misfortune to view. The plot was beyond stupid and the story became more and more twisted and confused as the movie progressed. Vincent Klyn's tragic performance as Lucifer was simply pathetic, and a very pale comparison to his portrayal of the pirate leader Fender in the movie Cyborg. The two leading actors Sasha Mitchell and Costas Mandylor were both wasted in this movie; and both I'm sorry to say were looking pretty shabby in regards to their respective physical shapes. Both of them seemed over the hill, and both were sporting beer guts, hardly what you would expect in two kickboxing heroes. I won't even go into the business about the giant blond genetically engineered gangmember on steroids; as I'm still trying to figure out why his character was introduced??? Anyway, for all those fortunate enough to have missed seeing this movie up till now let me extend some simple advice...don't see it. The only good thing this dvd had going for it was the special features, which included cast biographies and interviews.