I Dream of Dracula (2003) Reviews

• I laughed so hard I farted.

  MrMeatHook2012-08-21

  I got this as part of a 50 movie set. I don't normally review bad movies, but this movie had me laughing so had I literally farted, and I felt compelled to leave a rare review. The movie is a mixed bag, yet I love it. I think this movie has replaced Starship Troopers and Zombie Bloodbath as my new favorite guilty pleasure. The plot is stupid, there is a MASSIVE amount of nudity that is only there to keep the viewer from going into a coma, the acting ranges from bad to downright horrendous, and the gore is limited to a few splashes of blood here and there, and for some reason the actors keep looking right in the camera. The real gem of this movie is the dialog. There's a guy that has slept with his girlfriend's entire family (including her dad! lol), and tells her "she meant nothing to me!" Her reply is the stuff of legend "Maybe she meant something to me, after all, she is my mother!" HILARIOUS! Then after the guy breaks up with her for being too unforgiving and leaves the apartment, she yells after him "Don't stop by the retirement home and **** my grandma!" CLASSIC! Then for some reason she makes a phone call and strips down to her bra and thong IN HER LIVING ROOM and THEN goes upstairs, all the time, she's STILL ON THE PHONE! Who does that? If you don't like bad movies you should stay away, but if you want a great so bad it's good party movie, this is a must!

• Inept horror, with sexy elements

  lor_2011-09-30

  Sex sells, as anyone on Madison Ave. can tell you. That's about all that I DREAM OF Dracula has going for it, but all it achieved as a result is dubious exposure on those Mill Creek 6-pack and 50-clunker boxed sets. A period prologue shot MOS and in black & white sets up the premise of children, the boy of which will remain endlessly young as leader of a vampire cult, and terrible child actor to boot. The girl becomes an old harridan dragged back into the plot. But their antics take a back seat to a pair of full-frontally-nude vampire ladies played by Spike and Jeni King D'Errico, one of them a huge-breasted ready-for-porn thesp and the other a flat goth type. They deliver the soft porn lesbian sex goods, while all around them dullness prevails. Videomaker Jim Haggerty keeps on cranking out this junk, though I would guess the dwindling DVD market should hopefully put an end to that. His latest is titled "Is This a Joke?", my sentiments exactly.