Tank 432 (2015) Reviews

• Dear IMDb,

  Kung_Fu_VooDoo2017-04-24

  Please go directly to hell for doing away with the comments section. Three or four genuine discussions relating to this film would have saved me an hour and a half that I could have spent in far more productive manners, such as burning myself with a hot iron, throwing cards at a hat or perhaps lodging carrots in my eyes to improve my eyesight. But, decorum and rules dictate I review this movie, hence, I will. Something barely logical happens to people we can not relate to in a situation so contrived it borders on a Sesame Street cartoon only to be resolved by an ending so preposterous that only a cinematic sadist could enjoy it and nothing is resolved. There ya' go. Let me answer your most important question first: Rupert Evans does NOT save this film. God bless his heart, he tries, but he is unable to pull this sinking disaster from the cold abyss of stupidity. Do I blame the director? Some. Do I blame the script writer? Some. (They are the same person, go figure.) Mostly though, I blame IMDb for taking away the comment section and saving me from 90 minutes of cinematic purgatory.

• Jacob's Tank

  Lugodoc2016-08-31

  It is half suggested by the end of the film that this is about a group of soldiers and civilians being used as guinea pigs for an orange powder super soldier drug called Kratos that heals injuries in some people and just kills others but sends everyone mad. We join the party mid story. They seem to be taking the situation too seriously for it to be an exercise but know too little about anything for it to be an episode from an actual conflict with a history. For all they eventually reveal about their situation and motives they may as well all be acting on instinct with amnesia. They find a car that won't start because the engine has been replaced with something that makes all who behold it vomit, you won't find out what. They find a farm shed with headless bodies in it. They run away from a teleporting guy in a cloak and gas mask who is bullet proof, nobody seems to know why. They randomly wander across an abandoned tank and get locked in it for the rest of the film, then find all their own scrappy personnel files in it, plus a few glass tubes of Kratos. There is a facially mutilated body with dog tags seemingly belonging to a platoon member who has already died miles before. The doctor keeps shooting people up with stuff that the leader is making secret notes on, but he doesn't know why. One guy takes an actual lovingly photographed sloppy bowel dump. A prisoner finds a gun and kills most of the survivors. Guys in full hazmat suits with one guy in a pinstripe suit and a splash mask turn up and flame thrower the tank. There is a theory that every story has been told, and so now we are reduced to remakes for ever. Or, some people make mood films with bits of stories mashed up and let the audience do the hard work, because actual comprehensible stories are so last decade. The monster in the publicity photos only appears in a choppy dream sequence.

• Truly a Terrible Movie

  guidegoldblatt2017-04-13

  I was intrigued by the premise and decided to give it a try. What a huge disappointment. This movie is bad on many levels. Just a few: Please, don't torture yourself by watching this movie - it is that bad!

• Horrible - Just Horrible

  jameshvanhoute2017-04-06

  This movie was so bad that I had to create an IMDb account just to serve my discontent. This is one of those films that cause you to think that you should be a director since some are willing to invest in nonsense. The script was horrible. The acting was horrible. The plot was horrible. The directing was horrible. At the end, it appeared as though the writer was attempting to reach for something on par with Jacob's Ladder, but slipped on the first rung; landing face-first in a pool of mud never to rise again.

• Incoherent story line, frankly, boring.

  NarryBorman2016-09-07

  Given writer, Nick Gillespie's pedigree (e.g. Kill List, Sightseers) I was hopeful of an entertaining story. The film starts with a "jolt"; five minutes in I found myself reaching for the DVD box to read the synopsis, in order to try and "work out" what the opening point of the film was (the box confirmed - I can't think of a time I've ever had to do this before in all my years of watching films, though). What followed for the rest of the film somewhat reminded me of being a participant of a paint-balling contest, without the "excitement" of actually being there. This is certainly a step backwards from previous efforts, perhaps, due to budget constraints? Without spoiling the ending, I'd just say that whilst Kill List left you pondering things, this one just doesn't seem to mean anything at all; to me anyway. Hopefully the next film will be better.