The Hoarder (2015) Reviews

• You've probably seen this before

  Bumble72015-10-10

  I thought this could've been something scary. There actually were some 10 minutes where I was quite scared, but after that first moments of suspense, the rest got too generic and predictable. I did watch it through to the end, although I was tempted to quit more than once. The storyline is pretty old and I bet you've already seen it in a few other movies yourself: You know those ingredients - you've seen them often before. The only thing new here to me was the setting in an underground self-storage, which I thought had some original ideas that served those few scary moments. I feel kind of sorry for the director. It feels like this is the desperate (but futile) attempt to fulfill his lifelong childhood dream of producing a super scary blockbuster. In a "i can do it" and "nobody can stop me" brute force way, he tries to patch up all those holes in the illogical and inconsistent story just to quickly get to the end. If you don't watch this - you won't be missing out on anything...

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• Great idea, poorly acted

  tmdarby2015-11-02

  Not a terrible movie, but certainly not great. I thought the idea was very promising for a horror movie. Storage units are creepy. I'm not sure what happened to Mischa Barton, but somewhere along the line she has completely forgotten how to act. She was just horrible in this. She was constantly over acting and obvious about it. The movie itself was fairly decent, not a lot of special effects to ruin it, and a pretty decent twist to the story that I didn't see coming. Not a bad movie to watch if you are a fan of horror, but don't expect too much.

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• Wasn't all that bad.

  gothic-fiction2015-10-11

  This right here is a combination between Creep and Blood Shed, heading more towards the second one sadly, Creep being quite an OK horror. Still why the hate? Between a big budged horror with known actors and a little poor project, lately, indies are doing far better than those massive productions. At least here I have no expectations and often enough I end up impressed. So, I'm going to jump straight to the bad part. The kills! You just don't get to see too many, and when they do happen, they are kinda hidden, masked, budget clearly didn't help a lot so they made the best of it I guess. Considering this is a horror movie, of course we would like to see some nice kill shots but it is just not the case here. Secondly, the acting, was bad. It is quite amateurish like, either over the top or just no soul whatsoever. The dialogue itself is another minus to the movie, rather lousy job here. Overall, I graded it a 4, it does provide some tension, has a better plot than most, it did kept me waiting for more and it worked fine for one late raining night. I love horror, so I tend to be a tad bid tolerant to this genre. Cheers!

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• Shocking acting, watch at your own peril!

  JodieMarie2015-11-06

  This film in theory should be amazing and creepy as hell. Instead, the only thing scary is the acting by the mono tone Mischa Barton. Three minutes in and I am in pain watching her. Ten minutes in and I realise that, in order to make it through this film I will have to pretend its a spoof comedy and pray she dies at the end for my satisfaction. I am only thirty minutes in and more bad actors have presented themselves which leads me to believe it was the director who must have been drunk on set to allow this film to go into production. To summarise, storage units are creepy, its a great story line but utterly ruined by acting that could have been out staged by a school play starring five year olds. If I make it through the rest of the film without chewing my own arm off out of frustration i shall include an update, if i don't....

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• It's that time of year again...

  Krackoon2015-10-06

  We're closing in on Halloween, which means every horror director on the planet is doing everything they can to get their, more than likely, terrible film ready for release. Which also means that every bad actor and actress on the same planet, is doing what he/she has to do to land a role in one of these, more than likely terrible films (Hello, Mischa Barton.) So, we have 'The Hoarder.' About a group of strangers trapped in a storage facility. This has been done numerous times before, and never really reaches it's full potential, because every director tries to do too much with such simple material. 'Storage 24' is one of the more recent attempts, which I have yet to rate/review. Let me just say, I'd probably go with that one over 'The Hoarder.' What really hurts this film, is the characters and acting. There isn't a single likable character in the film, and each actor/actress seems to be hell bent on showing us just how terrible they really can be. I'm reading reviews about how unbelievably bad Mischa Barton has become - and the first thought that pops into my head is, when has she ever been good? Did I miss the single moment in the history of cinema, where she wasn't bad? As for the rest of the cast - Jamie Bacon goes all out trying to make a name for himself, by being the worst actor in the film, while Andrew Buckley waddles around, chasing people at a pace that is probably equivalent to a crippled man in a wheel chair. Anything this film had going for it, up until you discover the 'twist,' is erased, when you realize you're going to see more of Andrew Buckley's blubber flapping around, as he struggles to capture his next victim. Random Ramblings of a Madman: Andrew Buckley, please, for the love of Jesus Christ - do not ever run again in a film or in public. I hate being the one to tell you this, but you're fat - and you can't act.

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